September 15, 2013
To you,
One of the biggest preconceptions we all had at some point in our lives before and upon entering the world of Medicine is the belief that doctors save lives. Perhaps by now you are thinking that I will say that this is a lie, since I seem to make a habit of contradicting everything you thought you knew about med school and being a doctor. I am sorry to disappoint you, for the truth straddles the in-between shades of gray as is the typical fashion in this world.
When we talk about saving physical life, doctors fail more times than they succeed; when they do succeed, it is usually a half-hearted victory in which the patient’s death is postponed for the briefest of moments, but the inevitable outcome remains unchanged. The sooner a med student realizes that she cannot save everyone--that she will in fact only be able to save a few--the sooner she will see that there is only one Savior: He who is the Author, Giver, and Taker of Life. We are granted a most prestigious and most noble burden in the power that comes with our station. I often wondered how people could become so conceited to think themselves as gods with power over life and death; the puzzle seemed outlandish to me, for I believed that doctors were meant to serve others willingly and selflessly. And then the same power was bestowed upon me--all became clear.
I was given the power over a patient’s body and his physical life, whether through the medicines or the invasive procedures I used or did on him. I have literally touched a person’s beating heart with my own fingers. I have held a newborn by his neck in the first few moments of his life, a thing so soft and fragile that I could easily break in two with one hand. I have been in charge of overseeing patients who could die at any moment and I always had the choice to let them die instead of taking care of them.
I was given the power to manipulate every patient I have met: Where else will you see people willingly confiding their deepest, darkest secrets simply because a stranger with two letters attached at the end of her name asks you to? Where else will you see people willingly exposing all of their bodies, their souls, and their spirits at a single command? Where else will you see people willingly deferring to your every command, entrusting their lives completely unto you as they say, “Kayo na po bahala, Dok.” Imagine the things you could do with all this power.
I was given the power to kill with everyone being none the wiser, for in learning how to save a life we inadvertently learn how take it. There will be times when a patient will die because of your slip-ups. There will be times when a patient will die because both of you were unlucky: the patient was unluckily part of the negligible percentile of a life-threatening complication occurring rarely in a normally safe procedure; you were unluckily the one tasked to perform the procedure. There will be times when a patient will die because you tried to cover up for a minor mishap that sadly began a cascade of unfortunate events you never would have seen coming. Imagine the ways you could use all that you are learning right now to end another person’s life.
I was given the power to judge who was worthy of life and who deserved death and the power to bestow the sentence. Will you save the mother or the child in a complicated pregnancy gone wrong? Will you pay for this patient’s medicines and needs but not for the other three who will come after because you will surely run out of money to give? Will you refuse to treat a patient who is clinging to his last moments of life so that you wouldn’t waste precious and scarce resources that could save other patients who are not as close to death’s door? Will you “convince” a patient or his family to go “Home Against Medical Advice” (HAMA) or to sign a “Do Not Resuscitate” (DNR) directive since you are not able to treat them properly due to the lack of funds and so you’ll be able to attend to other patients who have a better chance at getting well or living?
It is no wonder that doctors come to see themselves as gods, but this remains a beautiful and mesmerizing delusion. Power belongs only to the Lord. We are simply allowed to be at the right place at the right time. Every person’s life must come to an end; it is utterly foolish of anyone to think that they can change what God alone knows. Our efforts to prolong any life can never bear fruit without God’s approval. He may choose to heal through miracles or through His earthly healers, but a Master is never dependent upon His tools.
Apart from the body, it is more important for a doctor to save the soul and the spirit. A doctor should bring life to a soul dying from pain and suffering. A doctor should bring the Life of Christ as the Holy Spirit ministers through her and touches every person she encounters. The body may be lost in this Earth, but when the spirit is lost, it is lost forever. There are lives in need of saving all around us. Will you try to save them? Or will you let the Savior reach them through you?
Yours,
Marcel
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