Mandatory Birthday Post

I have one every year.

Good Mourning

He ended her story in the morning of November 21.

Reflections in Ward 4 Bed 43 and Beyond

I spent the afternoons of the last week of lectures in Ward 4, Bed 43 in PGH. That week was to end with the last module exams before finals, but I didn't care. My father's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, the extent of which has been recently revealed by lab tests and the long awaited biopsy to be stage 4 and very aggressive.

Week Five Past Five, Still Alive

The eleventh week starts on Monday and ends the head and neck anatomy class with exams until Tuesday. Morning lectures followed by afternoon exams, with only lunch breaks in between. Such is the life of a medical student. Not only do lectures and discussions and all other class activities revolve around exams, exams are the center of our universe. This is important, remember this, they will ask this in the exam. 

A few weeks earlier (feels more like months) before another exam, a classmate fainted on her way to the comfort room. She looked really tired  before the incident, dozing off while reading our anatomy book. Didn't seem to be getting enough sleep. See, exams are even more important than sleep in this part of the universe. Studying one week before the exam is already cramming.

A Tale of Tomato Sauce and Iced Drinks

A little more than a decade ago, eating was torture. While some people live to eat, I barely ate to live. I pretty much disliked most food I tasted. Spaghetti, however, disgusted me the most. 

The Last 80 Multiply Comments

I really wanted to keep these. I think there were more but they're gone! D:

Si Ginoong B

ang pinaka cool na aktibistang nakilala ko.

Geno Subersibo

Mga 361 araw bago ang araw na iyon, ihing-ihi ako. Noong araw na iyon, natatae naman ako. Sumabay na ako sa unang biyahe ng sasakyan para ihatid ang mga kapatid ko. Tulad ng dating gawi, sa sasakyan ako nag-almusal, may kasamang kape sa baso.

The UERMMMCI Adventure

Lolo Pepe died, and was to be buried that day so mommy went to Batangas. Like real, live grown-ups, we were on our own.

In Which an Interview Schedule is Texted, and Instructions are Ignored

When I applied for UERM, I wrote in the application form my mother's cell number as my own so I wouldn't worry about not receiving the text about the interview schedule. I seldom have load, my inbox is always full, and I often forget to charge my phone.

And so it came.

"Convinced"

Medyo isang buwan na rin mula nang sinulat ko ito, at isang linggo bago iyon, may nangyaring kinagugulat ng mga taong pwede palang mangyari sa'kin.

Noong araw na iyon, lahat ng kaclose na makasalubong ko kinwentuhan ko na para lang maibsan ang aking pagkayanig. Natatawa na lang ako ngayon kapag binabanggit sa mga tao ang nangyari, pero kapag pinag-iisipan ko mag-isa, bumibigat ang aking dibdib sa pagkabagabag. Hindi ko pa nababanggit sa bahay, dahil alam ko na ang magiging reaksyon ng nanay ko, at iniiwasan ko talaga iyon. Unang beses akong nakipagsagutan sa guro, na nauwi sa matinding tensyon sa kalagitnaan ng klase.

What My Mind Has Been Up To Lately

I've been having trouble sleeping since the year began. For weeks now that I am finally able to sleep, I keep having nightmares. I don't remember them when I get out of bed, but they are a hindrance in resting well. I wake up almost every morning feeling like something went terribly wrong.

Joa at Jimmy

Habang naghahanap ng text jokes sa luma kong text notebook (courtesy of Ate Liit), nakita ko ito at naalala. . .

The Tale from Chicken Shit

Many years ago, perhaps before high school, I found this book in a cousin's room entitled Chicken Shit for the Soul. Curiously, I scanned its table of contents, picked an interesting story title and read the story. It haunts me to this very day...

Honor Code

Grade one ako noong binitiwan ko ang natitirang kasinungalingang na hindi ko pa rin inaaming kasinungalingan hanggang ngayon. Dahil kay Freud, hindi ko alam kung maniniwala sila sa'kin kung sasabihin ko ang totoo.

Bakit Pinalayas ni Sarah si Hagar?

During a very rare, accidental biblical discussion, my mother asked me that question. She supplied an answer that I didn't remember reading so I looked it up. Genesis 21:8-13. In different translations.

Si Ileng at ang "Marshmallow Test"

May mga college students na nag-experiment sa'min nung grade one ata o grade two. Habang klase, pinapunta kami doon sa guidance office na maraming laruan sa dating building ng kinder, one at a time. Hindi ko maalala kung may sinabi yung experimenter na secret lang namin yung pinagawa. Parang may ganoon. May sense kung may ganun.

Pagdating doon sa dating guidance office na maraming laruan, una kong napansing nag-iba yung ayos. Pinapasok ako nung babae sa isang enclosed na bahagi ng room na ang laman lang ay isang mesa, isang upuan, at yung blackboard na nakadikit sa dingding. Doon sa mesa, may nakapatong na bell-- yung bell sa mga diner sa TV-- at school supplies: lapis, eraser at sharpener ata. Parang may ruler pa. Hindi ko na maalala. Tapos tinanong ako nung babae kung ano yung pinaka gusto ko doon, at yung least kong gusto. Hindi ko maalala kung anong sagot ko. Basta sabi niya, may kukunin lang siya sa labas ng kwarto at antayin ko siya. Kapag naantay ko siya, makukuha ko yung pinaka gusto ko. Kapag ayoko na maghintay, i-ring ko daw yung bell pero ang makukuha ko ay yung least kong gusto. Tapos umalis na muna siya.

Ako naman na walang kamalay-malay ay nag-antay lang habang naririnig ko yung plastik na kumakaluskos sa side ng room na hindi ko nakikita. Yun siguro yung babae. Kung anu-anong pinaggagagawa ko nung napagod akong umupo. Kinausap ko yung sarili ko. Tumayo ako sa upuan. Inabot ko yung blackboard. Nagpanggap akong teacher. Tinitigan ko yung parang malabong salamin na nakadikit sa parang divider. Hinawak-hawakan ko yung mga nasa table pati yung bell. Nangulangot. Nagtataas ng palda. Sumayaw. Nagkamot-kamot. Nagpanggap akong si Jenny na buhat kunyari ni Eugene. Sa huli, nakuha ko yung gusto ko.

Naaalala kong nangyari rin sa araw na iyon (pero hindi ko maalala kung nauna ba ito o yung pagiging subject ko) ay yung narinig ko si Ileng na nagkukwento sa mga kaklase namin na hindi ko maalala kung naging subjects na rin. Sabi ni Ileng, pinagpalit niya daw yung pinaka gusto niya at yung least na pinaka gusto niya para hindi na niya kailangang maghintay nang matagal para makuha ang gusto niya.

Napagtanto ko makalipas ang ilang taon na baka two-way mirror pala yung salamin.

Sa Kaharian ng Araw

Transcription attempt from memory. Yata. Verbatim mula sa aking sinaunang notebook.

Marami na ang nangangarap na marating ang Kaharian ng Araw. Ito ay sapagkat sinasabi na sa kapirasong langit-lupang ito ng walang hanggang liwanag ay namumukadkad raw ang pangako ng walang patid na kaligayahan, kasaganahan at tagumpay. Ang pangakong ito ang umudyok sa karamihan na lumisan at maglakbay tungo sa malayong kabundukan at karagatan upang doon ay hanapin ang mailap na kaharian ng pinakamimithing tagumpay ano pa man ang maging kapalit nito.


At ito ang pangarap na naging matimbang para kay Ponce nang iwanan niya ang kanyang mga magulang at iba pang mahal sa buhay upang hanapin ang Kaharian ng Araw. Kasama niya sa paglalakbay ang kaibigan niyang si Paolo. Para kay Paolo kahibangan ang ginawang pag-iwan ni Ponce sa mga magulang at kaibigan upang habulin ang kanyang pangarap sapagkat wala namnag nakakatyak kung saan at kung ano ang kanilang sasapitin sa Kaharian ng Araw. Ang nakikitang niyang pinakamahalaga sa kanilang buhay ay ang kwintas ni Ponce na matagal na pinag-ipunan ng kanyang ina: ang gitara na pamana kay Paolo ng kanyang yumaong magulang: at ang kanilang pagkakaibigan na siyang dahilan ni Paolo kung bakit patuloy niyang sinasamahan ang kaibigan sa kabila ng pagtutol.


Apparently, hindi pa ako marunong gumamit ng colon at comma nung grade 2.

1 at 2

G: Hi.
J: SA ka rin?
G: Oo.
J: Anong name mo?
G: Gen.
J: G?
G: Oo.

G: Ano nga palang name mo?
J: Jenn.
G: J?
J: Oo.

Bye, Kitty

The closest I had to a pet was a plant... if I don't count my two pet sisters. My mother thinks it's too much of a bother to take care of animals of a different species-- which is perfectly legitimate since she already has four people to care for. Pets have, therefore, been discouraged in the household.

Like most children though, I had that stage in my life wherein I wanted a pet. My sister and I wanted at least to have a pet fish when we were in elementary. They seem to be relatively easy to take care of and you keep them in a container. You aren't even supposed to hold them in your hands. We were and are both squeamish at the idea of touching creatures that wiggle.

There have been cats in our backyard for as long as I remember. We don't own them. They come and go as they please, sometimes living their litter around. My mother hates them because of that. When my grandparents were alive, they'd leave scraps of food in some container in the backyard for these felines. My sister and I would watch them eat from a distance. Sometimes there were kittens. We would watch them too. Sometimes a cat gets in the house and it will be chased out with a broom. It was exciting and we'd watch that too.

The documentary Earthlings influenced what I now think is my opinion on the matter of keeping pets. Another documentary we were made to watch for MS1 changed how I see fishes. But after dissecting cats in Bio 102, I think I have grown fond of cats. But not enough fondness to make me buy my own pet.

In the past few days there has been a kitten in our backyard trying to get in the house by climbing the screen window. Its pleading meows break my heart. I have played with it once using my foot and some twigs. It was obviously hungry. But I wasn't allowed to feed it because it won't leave if I did. I don't mind if it stayed. If I wasn't too afraid to touch it, I'd think of keeping it. But it's now gone and I sort of miss it.